the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
