9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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