I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
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I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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