We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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