whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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