god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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