She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
