thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
