you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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