I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
