I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
