apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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