WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
