I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
