Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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