So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
