"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
