im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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