i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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