she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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