I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
