I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my being single is dangerous.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
