dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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