TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
