It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
