Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
