I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
