I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
