I hate all girls vehemently.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
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Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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