I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
