Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
