I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
