I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
