Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
