God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My vagina is officially offended.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
