Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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