too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
either way he was missing a nipple.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
