Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She tied me up with her honor cords...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize