happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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