It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
