I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
