Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
