You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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