Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
