last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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