Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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