shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
