Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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