Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
