Nicole vs. Life
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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