I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
