I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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