it was like his penis was on wheels.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
