If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
