Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
