I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
