So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
