she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
