Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
