Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
