I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I CAN MOONWALK!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
