How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im having a threesome with these popsicles
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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